the end.

yeah, i don't believe it either. i have secured myself full time employment at a law firm. six months ago they had no need for an entry level attorney, but today, i got "the call." my head is spinning. i gave notice at my project. then i went drinking.

so, this is it. it can happen to you too.

on the cusp of a mutiny.

supertemp is at it again. he just called the project manager and ratted us out for being "relaxed." what the hell? why wouldn't we be relaxed? we have nice chairs and central air. we're not in iraq for cryin' out loud. there will be no grenades being tossed into this conference room. so yeah, we're relaxed.

all of us went out to lunch - supertemp included - and i suppose he decided to inform the project manager than we had all taken a group lunch at a nice restaurant, and therefore, we were in a better mood than usual. but, individually, we take lunches every day. how is this any different? because we're smiling?

it boggles my mind.

some of the temps overhead the phone call and are now steaming mad.

i wonder what is going to happen.

thanks, supertemp. i guess we are no longer "relaxed." blow me.

can't get e-mail at work?

on your cellphone browser, type in:

http://m.gmail.com

you're welcome. :)

(idea: if your cellphone is fancy enough - i.e. you have a 'qwerty' keyboard, you can even save an outgoing e-mail with a pre-written cover letter in your drafts folder and edit the letter at work. you could apply to a few jobs a day that way.)

and if your firm has removed games off your computer at work (mine has), you can download solitaire or tetris to your cell phone. shhh.

now i know some of you out there (most likely the ones none of us liked very much in law school) think these suggestions are appalling and are a sign that temporary attorneys are all lazy. but seriously, what is wrong with checking e-mail or voicemail at work, as long as it is limited and reasonable? what is wrong with a few minutes of minesweeper (as long as it's not billed to the client)? after staring at electronic documents all day, a few minutes to clear one's head is reasonable. it's not like we're on some weird reality show where contact with the outside world is prohibited in order to induce interaction with your fellow bunkermates. in fact, we're not supposed to interact with our bunkermates.

so what gives?

the permanent employees at this firm do nothing but surf the internet and take group trips to starbucks all day. i can hear the "bloop!" "bloop!" AOL IM noise from the other room. all. the. time. am i to believe that these conversations are work-related? every time i walk past one of the permanent employees they are all reading gawker or espn, or they are IMing. i'm surprised that the entire ship hasn't sunk.

oh, that's because temporary attorneys now do the work that 1st year associates used to to.

anyway, invest in a nice wireless device with web service. you can afford one with a few hours overtime. sprint offers unlimited web service for around $10 to $15 a month. t-mobile's web service is $5.99 a month i believe. don't let "the man" get you down. just make sure that, if you decide to use it to send text messages to your friends, you are also using it to check job listings (you can get them e-mailed to you).

i'm only trying to help you get out of templand.

would you like fries and a milkshake?

i see many of you getting complacent. you like the steady paycheck. you have settled into tuning out to your ipod for ten to twelve hours a day and hearing the change clink into your bank account.

it's time to slap yourself in the face and stop that nonsense. you're nothing but a working class drone in a suit. the uniform means nothing. you might as well be serving diner food at a truck stop, but even waiters can be promoted to managers eventually. you don't have that opportunity.

a coworker is considering taking the only offer he has received so far. if he takes it, he will be losing money. it pays in the $30-$40k range, and taking into account tolls (it's in another state), gas, rent, loans, and food, he will be losing around $700 per month. but he says he's willing to take it, because it's an investment. if you think he's an idiot slacker who fucked around in law school, think again. he went to law school to switch careers. prior to law school he was pulling down serious $$$ as a VP for a fortune 500. he could go back to his old career if he wanted to, but he wants to practice law. he ranked in the top third of his law school, which will remain nameless, but it's not a toilet, i can assure you. however, in time, he will lateral to a larger firm that pays better.

of course, many of us don't have the luxury of having a nice savings account left over from our previous career, but the jobs are out there. you just have to scrape and beg for them. if you are not willing to put yourself out there and scrap and fight, you should probably look into something other than the law, because this is a profession whose practice is based in scrapping and fighting.

but sometimes it just boils down to your connections and dumb luck. a friend of mine landed a job within two weeks of graduation at a growing firm with a decent salary, and he was in the bottom half of our class. his fraternity brother from college, who was on law review in our class, just happened to call him up as they were hiring.

it's a crapshoot. but you can load the die by being present at social events with your friends that are employed. go to every house party where there will be attorneys. make connections. it's the only way.

although i haven't pulled down anything permanent as of yet, i have roped in another side gig with a small firm. in addition, i will be meeting with a potential client on my own soon. as of last week, i am licensed to practice in two states. i have the training in this particular area - why not use it? i don't have the capital or the client base to open up my own firm right this moment, but if a potential client comes my way, why turn it down? i am not going to bill very much, as i still have a lot to learn, but it's a start.

the firms, the agencies, the law schools that are running this racket aren't going to change, as much as we protest. there are many ways to sabotage a project, but the best way you can say "fuck you" to the man is to get off the temp dole as quickly as possible and bounce in the middle of a project for a permanent gig.

easier said than done, but don't get complacent. the mountain is high, but we can do it!

casualty!

someone has left the project, and according to his tablemates, he left unwillingly. rumor has it that he was the least efficient worker bee and that he has been thrown out of the hive.

this morning i passed by supertemp's desk and saw a spreadsheet of all of our names next to a list of documents finished per day. the temp who was let go was at the bottom of the list.

if that's not a smoking gun, i don't know what is.

initially, i thought supertemp was just a go-getter. but tom the temp has divulged the practice of agencies paying certain temps a bounty to collect intelligence on other temps. could supertemp be a PAID mole? i haven't heard anything about him getting a raise, but it could be a possibility.

this got me thinking. he doesn't work for my agency. if his agency is paying him to be a mole, and i don't work for his agency, does this mean i have immunity? in fact, my agency called me and a few other temps on my project and gave us a raise. they said we were doing a good job.

this leads me to believe that if his agency is paying him to look out for other temps, i am immune.

however, if he is kissing up to the project manager and doing this on his own, we all have a target on our backs.

all of our names, including mine, were on that list on his computer i saw.

please advise. that guy just bugs me. how do you overthrow a supertemp?

supertemp, leave us kids alone!

i've posted about him before in less flattering terms. but this morning takes the cake. this morning, supertemp slithered over to my workstation. at first, i didn't notice his presence. i was plugged into my ipod. then i felt a tapping on my shoulder, and to my utmost irritation, i turned around to see supertemp standing over my shoulder with this arms crossed, much like the reviled bill lumbergh in office space.

oh, what now?!

"ahhh... yeah. so, do you think you'll be with us for the rest of the project? yeah... because a lot of people have left, so i just want to know if you're still planning to be on board for the duration of the project... ahhh... yeah..."

what is this guy thinking? where does the get the audacity? and why does he not have the ability to be more subtle? couldn't he have been less obvious, like, "wow. you're going to be admitted next week! congrats! have any interviews lined up?" or "get a lawyer job yet?" come on, pardner. not only did you let the cat out of the bag, you threw heathcliff at me. and for the record, why aren't YOU looking for a job?

now, it has already been made abundantly clear that the rest of the temps should not trust supertemp. everything you say to supertemp can be used against you, because he regularly snitches to the project manager. (we love the project manager by the way. however, even the nicest project managers wouldn't mind free work, so they can manage less and have more leisure time. it's human nature.)

so, do i answer that i would leave at the drop of a hat if i get an associate position, because i have saved up enough money to make loan payments for a year? do i tell him that i have a hundred resumes and cover letters ready to go when i'm admitted next week? do i tell him that i have an interview at an in house position at a company i would cut my left arm to work for?

this was my answer: "well there is a lot of work here. i guess i'll be around for a while!"

what a bastard.

remember, kiddos... watch your back and never say too much! less is more.

here's another reason not to be a supertemp. if you see other people surfing the net or dozing off during doc review, you should be HAPPY. why? you automatically look better in comparison. if those people were gone, you'd have to work harder to stay in the running of not being axed. don't point these people out to the people in charge! they are your secret weapon. you know the people who slacked off and played warcraft in law school and never got above a B-? those people ruled! they lowered the curve! you don't want these people kicked out of school! their mere presence HELPS your class ranking.

you dig me?

do not bring attention to yourself or others while temping. just smile and go with the flow. the managers are already paying attention and tracking your progress - oh believe me, they already are! - they already track the number of documents you get through a day. it is incredibly easy to track progress on database software. in fact, your managers can tell if you're burning through hundreds of documents an hour and then wasting the next two hours, so there is no need to put in extra effort to help them do their job.

just remember: slow and steady is the way to go.

all in all, you're just another brick in the wall. even you, supertemp.

welcome, students from my 2nd tier latrine

i've been looking in my stats, and it appears that a few students at my alma mater have found my blog and are checking the site from the library. if you go to school at a second tier latrine (they're all the same), be sure to pass this URL along to everyone you know who is still living in blissful ignorance in said latrine. the people i know who are still enrolled, even the 3Ls, are unaware that this world even exists. please send them the URL of tom the temp's blog as well. there must be full disclosure of the legal job market to all parties, especially those who have saddled themselves with debt and did so relying on the employment statistics of whatever law school they decided to attend. boy did those numbers look tasty!

hello 3L's! want the truth? the truth is that the majority or at least a large plurality of you will be temping next year. a few very lucky ones will get $40k to $55k jobs as associates. don't turn your nose up at the salaries; that's simply what is available. like it or lump it. and if you are offered such a position, take it. for every position that you are offered, there are at least fifty people who would die to take your place. the unlucky ones will be moving back home. much of the top 15% have jobs already, but that doesn't concern the vast majority of you.

(now i see some of you going, "nuh uh... not me. the sun'll come out tomorrow!" stop, you're killing me. maybe you'll get lucky, but most likely you won't. reality is a bitch, and the sooner you come down to earth, the quicker you can execute a plan to avoid or at least minimize the temp mill. please read on.)

now many of you are asking... "but the employment charts said that over 90% of you would be employed and making $90k!" wow, you're gullible. but don't feel bad. i was gullible too. first of all, the 90% only has to do with the people who responded to the survey. we don't know how many people didn't answer. many of my friends didn't even get the survey. i remembered filling out a survey but not filling it out in full. i believe i said "hey dean _____, i'm still looking for employment. got any leads?" i don't know if i was counted.

now let's look at the $90k number. does it say what kind of job it is? i believe the categories say "private," "corporation," or "public service." guess what's included in the "private" category... TEMPING! you're working for a law firm in a white collar assembly worker job with no chance of advancement. doesn't sound so fabulous anymore does it? some law schools take your hourly salary and annualize it. so if you're making $35 an hour, they say you're making $100k. but most projects only last a few weeks, and you can have two months of down time. suddenly, that $100k is down to $50k. and you'll have to pay your health insurance, bar admission fees, and CLE credits on that "salary."

(hi dean. i just want to let you know that i'm temping, but i'm not going to let you cook the numbers with my hourly salary. sorry.)

now, if this is unbelievable or if you are skeptical, i urge you to speak with five or ten random people you know who graduated in 2005. ask them what they are doing. ask them what their friends are doing. ask them if they are an associate - and how they got the job. i assure you that if a person didn't get a job through OCI, that person got a job through connections (a family friend, a friend who works at the firm, a relative, a referral from a professor). ask them if they are temping. talk to as many people as you can. you'll see what you're up against.

then come back and talk to me.

so, how can you avoid such a fate? well, you can network like crazy. call everyone you know and then some. dig into your college alumni database. do you have cousins? uncles? are you at an internship? stay there! don't let go. keep working there for legal experience. you can put it on your resume. don't be pollyanna. this is the real deal.

cold resume sending doesn't work. remember, law firms are getting inundated with resumes, and your average 2nd tier resume with the secondary journal experience and the clinic -- you're a dime a dozen. sorry. a direct referral from someone who knows a hiring partner will do more wonders than blowing up your so-so accomplishments.

if you are naturally introverted and afraid of talking to strangers or mere acquaintances, this is not the time to let those fears take over. sorry. you have to suck it up and keep talking to people. make friends. know their friends. and make people like you, even if you are a miserable curmudgeon.

that's how i got my side gig, as someone inquired earlier. i just went around calling up alumni and getting referrals from other alumni. one just happened to click.

now, don't get discouraged. you might end up temping, but don't get complacent. keep networking. keep hustling. and don't give up.